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After my divorce, I needed a support system that didn't come from romance. I made new friends, but it took time.
The author started making new friends after her divorce.Courtesy of Theresa PickettAfter my divorce, I felt a loss of community.I decided to try Bumble BFF and make a real effort to build connections.Real friendship goes beyond surface-level activities, and that connection isn't built over an app.After I. wrote about moving to the suburbs near Columbia, Maryland, for love — and the nostalgia that hit when I missed living in my hometown, Nashville, after that relationship ended — people began reaching out.They sent kind messages and suggestions for how I could get more involved locally. One reader even invited me to visit her church, which I happily accepted. The gesture was generous, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I hadn't found my people.I had built a life in Maryland over more than a decade, but it was centered on a relationship. When I got divorced, many things remained — the townhouse, the neighborhood walks — but the sense of belonging didn't.After my divorce, I tried dating, but I learned that it was more important to focus on building community after neglecting to do so for years. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that romance wouldn't create the support system I needed.So I did something different. I downloaded a friendship app.I downloaded a friendship appCreating a profile for friendship felt like a familiar exercise. With a background in marketing and copywriting, I approached it the way I would destination writing by describing what a day with me might look like. I uploaded photos that captured highlights from my life: a sunny day on a boat, a beach getaway.Then I started swiping.At first, I kept things simple with coffee, walks, and low expectations.One woman and I traded travel stories. Another invited me to go rock climbing, which I hadn't done since college. Saying yes to these friend dates reminded me of who I used to be, and who I still could be. Still, neither connection developed beyond that first outing.My calendar began filling quickly as I continued to meet more people, but activity alone wasn't the same thing as connection. Some conversations also never moved beyond the app; many of the women I connected with lived 20 to 30 miles away, and those matches rarely turned into in-person meetups for logistical reasons.I decided to adjust my approach.I invited people to work events, and it created deeper connectionsAt the time, I worked in event marketing for a local hotel that hosted live music, seasonal gatherings, and community events designed to bring people together. Instead of simply promoting those experiences, I started inviting my matches.It changed everything.My job created a built-in setting for connection. What began as casual invitations to events I was already attending gradually turned into actual friendships. It taught me that connection can grow more naturally when you're inviting people into a life you're already living. Before long, I was sharing other plans and seeing who wanted to join.The friendships that lasted weren't formed during a single meetup. They grew through seeing each other repeatedly.There were small but vivid moments of joy, like going to rock concerts or salsa dancing with new friends. One night, I went dancing in Baltimore with someone I'd originally connected with through one of my after-work meetups in the suburbs. Going into the city together meant sharing the drive and navigating parking. It was a small thing, but it reminded me that friendship isn't built only through fun. Sometimes it's built through the logistics of showing up together.One of the most impactful moments was when a friend came through for me shortly after we met, as I navigated a dating situation. During a long conversation, she gently encouraged me to maintain firmer boundaries. I remember wondering whether I would have had the capacity to show up that way for someone else. Seeing her do it for me made me realize I did.Friendship became my priorityAt some point, I realized I didn't need to. keep swiping to build a community around myself; I just needed to nurture the support system that was already forming around me. Instead of focusing on meeting more people, I started investing more deeply in the relationships already taking shape.Creating deep friendship. requires showing up for each other, and in the early days after my divorce, I hadn't been ready for that. Over time, these new friendships helped me realize that I was. Columbia began to feel less like the place I had moved to for someone else and more like a place that belonged to me.At times, the city can still feel quiet. However, now I know I have people to call for a walk, a concert, or dinner. Making these friendships didn't happen all at once. It happened one conversation, one invitation, and one friendship at a time.Read the original article on Business Insider
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